I know I said I wouldn’t be posting anymore, but it turns out this whole exercise may not have been as fruitless as I first thought! I’ve been offered a job in Seattle at a mental health institution to take over the case of a young woman who is obsessed with fictional characters, much as my mystery patient was. This patient did at one point receive therapy, but her self-styled therapist wasn’t properly licensed. Her misjudgment apparently allowed this patient to do a great deal of damage to others. Credentials are there for a reason, folks.

I am grateful now for the experience I had with my patient, despite its irregularities. Before his final session, he insisted on signing a disclosure agreement, releasing some of the bounds of client confidentiality. I told him this was not necessary–he could help others even if he continued to go by B.B. He told me that this was not the case, saying that he wanted people to know who he was and how much my work had helped him. This is why I felt comfortable releasing that recording of our final session. My guess is that Barker is an assumed name in the first place, but now
I will never be sure.

Still, all’s well that ends well. Thanks again for all your support. This wouldn’t be happening without you all!

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write for the past few days, and I decided I should just write something. I hardly know what to say. It seems my whole project has come apart at the seams and I will be discontinuing this blog soon and returning to my normal mode of practice. I have been verbally assaulted, harassed by people with strange accents, contacted by shadowy figures, and haunted by a patient who just refuses to cooperate.

At our last session, I decided that QXZenith’s poem would be the most helpful for my patient at this time. As I was reading through it, I left momentarily to speak with my secretary, and when I came back, he had vanished. I don’t know where he’s gone or what he’s done, but I wash my hands of this case. There appears to be nothing left for me to do, and if he contacts me again, I shall immediately phone the police. I allowed myself to be sidetracked by the intriguing nature of the mystery, but I have certainly learned my lesson!

Those of you who have been helpful, I do thank you for your input. I am posting the recording of our last session and of one of the earlier sessions a courtesy to those of you have taken your time and made a sincere effort to assist me in helping a patient. There seems to be some kind of glitch in the recording of our final session after BB talks… so much for exploring the digital frontier if I can’t even get my voice recorder to work right! I think I’ll be leaving social media to the next generation!

This is Minds and Matters, signing off

Earlier session: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B7pzsdcBJdn_b2g5MG03WTdpZFk/edit

Final session: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B7pzsdcBJdn_dGU2aktkYXBoa2M/edit

I know I said I have seen many troubled patients through my work in the criminal justice system, but I have to admit that I have never dealt with such a difficult patient or set of circumstances in my entire professional career. Especially with a person who is not currently incarcerated! True, I may have frustrated him by posting online, but sharing patients’ stories (without names) is common practice in psychology, especially when it’s with the intent of finding new treatments to help people. I don’t know how he even found this site! But I think I won’t be trying this again anytime soon.

He did return for his appointment today, but he refused to listen to my advice and kept talking about “refictionalizing” himself into the story of Sweeney Todd. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I plan to give things one more go with him before remanding him to the care of the Boston PD. He does seem to be more stable now that he believes his wife is alive – I’m not sure how you convinced him, but I do think it has helped him focus on getting better instead of on acting out his violent fantasies. He said that he has decided to try to help those he can, regardless of the consequences. I agreed that his obsession with revenge was only likely to further hurt those around him.

Because of his current fixation on the Sweeney Todd narrative, my last proposal is as follows: if some of you could write something – a poem, a short story – that includes key aspects of this Sweeney character, I think reading them or hearing them might be helpful for my patient. Perhaps by rewriting this character’s future, we can show him he has friends to help him and make a difference in a real person’s life.

I intend to discontinue my posts here shortly, but if you wish to respond, post your work in the comments or share a link to a google document and I will sift through them and go through them with my patient. I shall post one final time to let you know the results.

So, as you all probably figured out, my blog password was apparently stolen earlier today, and it appears to have been hacked by someone pretending to be the Sweeney Todd character my patient so clearly relates to. It could be his violent side, if DID is truly the correct diagnosis, but I didn’t think he had such extensive technical skills as to hack into a blog… unless he had help. I certainly hope those people who made those phone calls aren’t back. The message was unsettling, as was this “decoration” I found outside when I returned home:

My poor pumpkin

But there was a note along with it -

“Your villainous, idiotic ways have allowed me to suffer these long weeks when all I needed for proof was available on your information networks! Why didn’t you tell me my wife lived? LET NOW THIS EFFIGY REAP THE WHIRLWIND YOU HAVE SOWN! Also, can I get an appointment for tomorrow? Yours truly, BB”

If this isn’t some kind of prank and he truly returns for more therapy, I will try to learn when this delusion began and hopefully find a way to bring him out of it… I certainly hope whoever has been threatening me doesn’t get a hold of him before that can happen.

And now, I’m going to go change ALL my passwords. Happy Halloween.

SO THIS IS HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME SHARING THE PRIVATE STORIES OF THOSE WHO COME TO YOU FOR ADVICE WITH STRANGERS ACROSS YOUR SOCIETY’S INFORMATION NETWORKS I DON’T KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS OR HOW YOU THINK THE WORLD WORKS BUT I ASSURE YOU THERE WILL BE NO PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU TO HIDE FROM ME I AM THE ONE WHO PURGES THE WORLD OF ITS EVILS 200 YEARS AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED YOU STILL MURDER YOUR OWN AND VIOLATE THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN YOU YOUR PIES MAY NOT BE MADE OF YOUR OWN FLESH BUT YOUR ‘MODERN’ METHODS OF PRODUCING FOOD ARE HARDLY MORE HUMANE IF MY FRIENDS TOLD THE TRUTH THEN I WAS DOING SOCIETY A FAVOR I ONLY REGRET I COULD NOT HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MORE IN MY OWN TIME

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME OR ARE YOU SO SET ON ACHIEVING YOUR OWN GOALS THAT YOU WOULD PRETEND TO LISTEN TO MY STORY AND THEN SET OFF TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD YOU REALLY WANT TO CURE ME???

HELP ME FIND LUCY

EVERY TIME I TRY TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MY OWN STORY I SEE ONLY EMPTINESS NO RECORDS SEEM TO HAVE SURVIVED MY JOURNEY HERE IF SHE IS REALLY ALIVE, PROVE IT TO ME SO THAT I CAN SAVE HER FIND SOMETHING THAT i CAN SEE THAT WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH

THE LIES OF THIS WORLD SHOULD BE SLICED OPEN TO EXPOSE THEIR ROTTING CORE THE BLOOD OF THOSE WHO WOULD USE OTHERS FOR THEIR OWN END MUST BE LET IF THERE IS TO BE ANY HOPE FOR A CURE

EVEN THE MAN YOU HIRED TO INVESTIGATE ME BELIEVES LUCY MAY HAVE SURVIVED YOU MUST HELP ME LEARN WHETHER THIS IS TRUE I WILL BE WATCHING HIS INFORMATION PAGE FOR UPDATES FIND ME THERE IF YOU REFUSE YOU WILL PROVE YOURSELF TO BE NO BETTER THAN THE WORST OF YOUR WRETCHED FILTHY ILK HELP ME OR YOU WILL PAY

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

YOU WILL PAY

WITH THE UTMOST SINCERITY
barkingmad

Worse yet, my patient now seems to have disappeared. He missed his session yesterday, and apparently he’s no longer staying at the halfway house so I have no way to contact him. Without completing his treatment, I cannot hope to get my paper published or continue to work with my collaborator. More importantly, I believe if he does not return, he may relapse into his previous state of violent fantasy. If you have any idea of his whereabouts, please let me know ASAP.

Despite my optimism earlier today, unfortunately, there seems to have been something of a setback in my patient’s treatment. He refused to answer any of my questions today and instead talked on and on about how he thinks his wife may still be alive. He demanded my help in trying to find out about his wife and whether she really died as a result of her attack. I have encouraged him to get in touch with the London police to see if they have any record of this woman even existing, but he said the police wouldn’t listen to a man like him. I don’t know how to help him if he continues to refuse treatment and focus on his delusions. If I knew more about him, I could of course present him with the truth, but I think at this point the truth might only reinforce his anger against authority. I asked who told him about his wife, and he said it was a strange detective with a French accent – who sounds a lot like the detective I hired to look into him. I need to get in touch with him again and find out if he talked with my patient directly.

My patient showed up for his appointment in very good form today. He was clean-shaven and wearing a new set of clothes. He said he’d been interviewing for jobs. His past still haunts him, but he’s trying to move beyond it, to see what the world has to offer. He seems eager for the next step – something I haven’t seen in my entire time since he began therapy with me. It’s good to see that he’s finally taken our conversations to heart and has decided to give life a second chance. I was concerned for awhile, about his safety and, quite frankly, mine, but I am now very encouraged.

He has reconnected with his protesting friends and seems to be developing positive relationships now that he’s broken through the wall of his grief. But he did make a few worrying comments about how he’s started to notice strange people following him and strange messages that seem to keep appearing.

Despite the additional layer of mystery, I do think we have reached a milestone in his treatment. This seemed to be confirmed by the report I received from the detective who was following my patient. The detective told me that BB did nothing suspicious under his observation. However, he confirmed several of the comments you all made – namely, that my patient’s story seems to reflect that of an old English ghost tale concerning a man called Sweeney Todd. Even the details of his answers under hypnosis seem to fit this story. I wonder if this character is somehow embodying his delusions?

One of you also mentioned that perhaps dissociative personality disorder is playing a role in his condition. DID is not universally accepted as a legitimate diagnosis, but it seems worth exploring, at least as a thought experiment. Perhaps he uses “Sweeney Todd” as an outlet for his urges, a fantasy that allows him to imagine terrible acts without owning them himself.

This could be a fascinating new condition, or it could be a variant of one that’s been understood for around a decade. Believing that you are a part of a TV show is actually a documented delusion. It’s called the Truman Show Delusion, named after a film where this was the plot. Only, in this case, my patient thinks he’s part of (or comes from) a fictional story, not a reality TV show.

Personally, I doubt the film itself actually inspired people to become delusional in this particular manner. Delusional people in the Middle Ages saw themselves in personal battle with the Devil. Some delusional people today see believe they have been abducted by aliens. Our delusions are shaped by the society we inhabit, and ours is a very ego-oriented culture – one in which cameras, surveillance, and stories are everywhere. It makes sense to me that this sort of delusion would be possible now.

Of course, every time I thought I had a diagnosis so far, it’s turned out to be something else, but I may actually be getting somewhere this time! I’m glad things are settling down. The last week was pretty rough. Things seem to be returning to normal, and I can’t tell you how relieved I am. I have the well-being of my patients to worry about – I can’t spend so much time worrying about myself, too. But thank you all for your supportive comments! I am really enjoying this project, mostly because you all have been so friendly and helpful.

Sorry for being a bit absentee… I’ve had a lot on my mind this week (obviously) and have had quite a busy time, but I wanted to update my patient’s progress. Today we reviewed his last session and his feelings about his wife. I asked if he felt guilty about her death and what he could have done differently. He said he was a simpleton who never realized what evils lay in wait just outside his door. He failed his wife and family, but he would not fail again.

I asked how he thought he could impact society for the better. Was raising awareness through protesting really the best he could do? Or could he have a bigger impact another way, through reform movements or volunteering with relief organizations? He seemed interested in the possibility. But then he asked me a question that revealed his continuing struggle – why should men be forced to “integrate” into society in order to cleanse it of its sins? Was there no way to make a change except to placate the wealthy and powerful? Could the truth have no voice of its own?

Despite his reservations, I think I convinced him that working outside the bounds of normal society (and its laws) was not the best way to achieve peace for his fellow men (whom he seems to care so much about). Doesn’t it make the world a little better when each of us performs his or her own job well every day? Couldn’t he simply learn to do a difficult job well and aid those around him in the process? Violent upheaval may achieve social rebirth, but only at the cost of enormous suffering of the innocent. Was that what he really wanted? He didn’t seem prepared to answer.

Hello all. Today was my first sesion with my new patient since his phone call. I admit, I’ve been a bit shaken, but I think I have made the right decision in trying to continue his treatment.

Today when he arrived I asked him how he was feeling. He was very apologetic and amenable to every suggestion I made. He seemed willing to do anything he could to make up for his behavior on the phone. I explained the concept of hypnosis and how I thought it might help him face his inner struggles and fears. He said he’d be willing to try it if it could help him move past his pain.

He sat down and we began the treatment. After putting him in a trance-like state, I asked him to think about the halfway house where he lived. He said he could see the garden where he worked. I then told him to think about his time in England. He muttered phrases like “so alone” and “innocent.” I told him to think back to his family, when he was happy. He kept repeating the name “Lucy” as though he could see a woman in front of him. After a moment, I told him to think of what happened to cause him to leave. I asked him to tell me what it was. “They said I had committed a crime. They said I was a liar. But I wasn’t. They made me leave. The judge made me leave.”

He suddenly became rigid and fearful. He began repeating “Lucy” and “ashes” over and over again. He began to talk about vengeance and salvation and a chair, saying “Come on! Come on!” to the people he was visualizing.

I was able to calm him down this time and asked him about the people he said he’d killed, but he kept muttering about how his family and dreams were dead. This led me to believe that his phone call was merely an attempt to take control of his loss through delusions of violence. I ended his trance, and when he awoke, he was disoriented but calmer. I asked him what he remembered and if he knew who “Lucy” was. “She was my wife,” he answered. “She died.” I asked how she had died. “A man raped her while I was gone. She died after. I couldn’t save her.” He put his head in his hands and began to cry. All he could say was “I’m sorry, Lucy,” which he repeated over and over.

When he regained control, he thanked me and said that he needed rest but looked forward to our next meeting. Based on his response to this treatment, I am certain he can be cured through traditional psychological means and does not pose a risk to himself or those around him.